Grandma Passed Away

I was on compassion leave for two days.

My grandmother passed away on August 9, 2008. She was 93 year old. She has 5 sons and 3 daughters. In total, she has 101 of sons, daughters, grandchildren and great grandchildren. 5 generations in her lifetime and I am on the third generation, grandchildren.

This is the first time I attended a formal grand funeral. Most of the relatives were there. It was a tiring ceremony.

I met my so called father (Mr. Lee) at the funeral. It has been 20 years since the last time I met him in Taiwan. I don’t know how to greed him and talk to him. I just node my head when I saw him. Feel rather uncomfortable as I have tried my best to avoid him. He did not come to talk us (me and my brother) as well. My second brother, Lester arrived at Tuesday night. He can’t recognised me. I walked to him and introduce myself. Lester went to Taiwan when he was 13 years old. I am only 10 years old at that time. I have not met him and talk to him for almost 20 years. I am really sad when I think about this. We did not get to talk as the ceremony is still on going. I just feel so strange with everything going on. I don’t talk to Mr. Lee because I choose not to and I don’t know what to talk to Lester but I hope we can sit down and talk the whole night. Later of the night, after the ceremony we get to talk a while. But it has been 20 years, too much thing has happened. I just felt Lester is trying to avoid us as well. He is my brother and yet I felt he is more like a stranger to me. I am really sad to have this feeling. He is going back to Taiwan on Thursday afternoon. I asked him to come to KL to pay a visit; we will give him a ride. He just finds much excuses of not going. I am sad….

Second day of the ceremony, in between the break, we exchange our number and email. I keep thinking, what is the purpose of exchanging those details. I have his email, and I have written to him before. He knew I was working in Beijing once. But why doesn’t he reply my mail. Exchanging details is just a formality. It is just an excuse for me to talk to him. I am sad….After exchanging those details, taken few photos, he excuses himself.

Every time I see him with his Taiwan sister (adopted sister) talking freely. I feel sad, very sad.

The ceremony still going on and on….. Standing for hours again, kneeling up and down, and walk under the extremely hot sun with only a pair of white socks on the leg.

After the ceremony, everyone is leaving. I don’t know when we will have chance to meet again. Probably in another big event. I don’t think wedding is a big event for Lester to travel to KL. I guess we will meet in another funeral. Whose funeral will this be?

When we were leaving, I was hesitating whether I should say goodbye to Mr. Lee, I was waiting my elder brother, Vincent to make the move. But all of us just don’t know where to start. We were standing aside for a while. At last Vincent makes the move, we shake his hands. This is the atmost I can do. I feel sad….. sad.